Why the biggest obstacle to effective networking is you.

I had lunch a few weeks ago with Frank, a senior HR Manager who was in between jobs and generally seeking advice about the market. The organisation he had been working for was wound down and, as all good HR Managers do, he was the last to turn the lights off, lock the door, wander out and then start his job search. He had a holiday, rode his motorbike, did a few contracts, let his wife work hard, but a year on he felt it time to start looking for a job in earnest.

Over lunch he asked me “I’ve applied for a few jobs, some I’m not even shortlisted for so was wanting to check to see if all that stuff about networking, is still important to do?”

There was a pregnant pause. “I assume that question is rhetorical Frank?” I replied.

“Well, that’s a pretty clear answer!” he laughed.

The message here is simple. Networking is critical, and even seasoned managers find it difficult to do.

You see, networking itself isn’t hard. Removing the barriers in your own mind is.

Frank is one of the most humble, values driven people I know. He’s all about giving to others. This is a wonderful asset and his greatest strength. It is also his weakness as he overplays this strength. Frank thinks that networking is about taking and that he is imposing on others. His perspective only shifted when I pointed out to him that people will derive great value from conversations with him…but he has to pick up the phone and make those appointments.

Let’s reframe it entirely. It's not networking. It's relationship building.

Oh, and by the way, if Frank calls you, have a coffee with him – he’s a great guy.